Forgiveness. It is a simple word but a complicated task.
Webster's Dictionary defines it as " To stop feeling anger (toward someone who has done something wrong)"
So when someone does something wrong should I automatically forgive them? I would say no. If you say that you forgive the person and then continuously bring up the action that caused the anger, is that forgiving? No it's not. By bringing up the action, it causes you to become angry again. Therefore you are back to square one.
Why do I say all of this you ask? Well I have been tackling the topic of forgiveness for quite some time. I've spent 33 years being angry at SD (Sperm Donor) for what he did to me. I have never forgiving him. Then last year I started making a breakthrough in my process to help me. SD calls me on my phone. He thinks that it's my sister's phone. I've had it with seeing his number pop up on my phone. I want him to stop. I call him but he doesn't answer. He calls me back I answer the phone. He starts talking and I tell him softly at first to stop calling my phone. I just keep repeating it. Then he calls me "baby". I snap, and go off on him. I tell him what I think of him and at the end I say " I hope you rot in H**L and f**k off!" It felt so good to say that. I was shaking and crying. Luckily I group immediately afterward so I had some support. I was in a daze. I realize that the reason is because he didn't fight back. He didn't mind hitting people years ago and verbally abusing us but he didn't fight back with me. I think in all the years when I have imagined confronting him he fought back, so I was a little mad. I got to say what I wanted, so in the end I won.
Why tell you that story? After I confronted him via phone, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. All this anger and aggression I have been holding onto was slightly alleviated. I know I will never love that man. What he did was wrong on so many levels. I had always said that I would never forgive him. He hurt me too bad. It was as if one day I just realized that at some point I could forgive. It will not be today nor tomorrow, but somewhere far in the future I would be able to forgive.
So why did I say all this? You can forgive the person who hurts you. Just do it on your timetable. If you forgive before you are truly ready, you are not really forgiving.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~~Eleanor Roosevelt